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22. April 2014 12:04
by Rene Pallesen
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Open day photoshoot - Dream

22. April 2014 12:04 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

I just finished another edit of one of the photos from the open day. Someone else had posted a photo
I just finished another edit of one of the photos from the open day.

Someone else had posted a photo of a dream like impression and I wanted to see if I was able to do the same with one of my photos.



Model: Taylia Lopez
Lighting & Set: Studio 1A
Hair & Make-up: Kabuki Mee Designs

I also did another photo of one of the other girls at the photo shoot.




Model: Britney Williams
Hair: Cara Leupuscek
Makeup: Melisa Tomic
Sets: Studio 1A Sydney

19. April 2014 15:04
by Rene Pallesen
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Open day photoshoot - wrap up

19. April 2014 15:04 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

The photoshoot last week provided a lot of lessons...some learnt and some where I need more practice
The photoshoot last week provided a lot of lessons...some learnt and some where I need more practice.

My main reason for participating was to gain more experience working with models and especially be able to pose models better. A secondary objective was to get some great photos that I can use for my portfolio and for this website.
I think I succeeded with both objectives although I definitely need more experience with posing.
 
 I had no idea what to expect before getting there apart from knowing that there would be a number of models, makeup artists and a number of different sets.
 
The format is pretty simple...first come first serve to a set. You use the time effectively, work quick and take 20-30 shots with each model and after that you let someone else have a turn and move onto a different set.
 
This means that you have to work very effective with the models and try and get a good photo. You cannot change the set and you cannot change the light setup so in terms of creativity this is quite limiting.
It came in very handy that I have done some studio photography and have a good understanding of the theory. This means that it was easier for me to work with the variables that I could change, mainly changing my position on the set to get different shadows and lights and then also let the models move closer or further away from the lights to change this. I definitely think that this allowed me to get some pretty unique photos, but I definitely something I need to do more of if I get the chance to do this again.
 
Also, some of the models were professional models and others had done absolutely no modelling before. They all presented different challenges, as the professional models will give you the model poses and looks and it it hard to change this without it being pretty obvious that you only have little experience. The ones with no experience required a lot more guidance and this was where I really struggled and I definitely need some more standard poses that I can pull out for these situations. That said some of the models with no experience did really good and the most of the models were rally good fun to work with.
I especially found it really hard to pose with the male models.

Another thing is how social media works. The agreement was that you would put your shots into a dropbox folder so that the hair and makeup artists as well as the model could access low resolution files and at the same time get access to your contact details if they would like prints/hires files. I also posted the photos on the groups facebook page and the response was amazing compared to what I normally get on photos. Lots of likes and suddenly everyone wants to be my friend on Facebook (they may be disappointed when they see the stuff I normally post) and most amazing is the response from the models and the hair and makeup artists...a number of them are already using the material to promote themselves (which I am fine with as long as it doesn't go beyond that) and they are leaving comments/shares saying things such as 'this is my favourite photo from the day so far'.

Not knowing what gear to bring I brought pretty much everything I terms of lenses and even a couple of flashes and grey cards. I ended up shooting with my 85mm f1.4 pretty much most of the time and occasionally changing to a 50mm f1.4 for full body shots or on the sets where there wasn't much space on the set. What I didn't bring was my 105mm macro lens. I could have used this lens for getting in close for detail type shots and wish I had brought this along.
I should also have brought an ND8 filter for shooting natural light at f1.4...even with the Nikon D800 it was next to impossible to not overexpose using that bright light.
 
They have announced that they will be holding another shoot in august which I am planning to participate in and they also have a nude workshop in July that I am trying to convince Kim that I should go to...but we will see.

18. April 2014 07:04
by Rene Pallesen
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Open day photoshoot - Miyuki

18. April 2014 07:04 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

Miyuki is a makeup artist and had never done any modeling before and this was the first time as a mo
Miyuki is a makeup artist and had never done any modeling before and this was the first time as a model.



She has a really nice outfit/hair piece and the makeup was done really nicely. The skin in her f Perfect Moments Photography | A Rene Pallesen Journal

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18. August 2011 07:02
by Rene Pallesen
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Coastal drive to Trogir - Croatia

18. August 2011 07:02 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

coastal drive to trogir croatia


The coastal drive from Dubrovnik back up to Trogir just north of Split is absolutely amazing. It follows the coastline closely all the way and it is both a fun drive and incredibly scenic. I found it better than the Great Ocean Road here in Australia.

One minute the road is really close to the water and you can see all these little bays with crystal clear water and sometimes with small beaches and people swimming. Next minute the road is up high and you get an incredible view of all the high mountains and islands off the coast. The whole route is dotted with small towns and beautiful little churches.

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The road is really winding and does not have too much traffic on it, so it is a very pleasant and never boring. To complete the drive we also had to cross back into to Bosnia only to cross the border back into Croatia a few kilometers later.


Unfortunately both Kim and Aiden missed out on much of the scenery as they were sleeping most of the way.

Along the way we stopped in Markarska to get a bite to eat. It is an incredible little natural harbour with a steep backdrop to the mountains behind.

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At the photo shoot there was also a couple of male models.I find it a lot harder to pose males than
At the photo shoot there was also a couple of male models.

I find it a lot harder to pose males than females...with females I can (kind of) tell what looks good and what doesnt and when I get a goo pose I know it. With males it is a lot harder as I never think about what looks masculine.

This day was a really eye opener that before I next time have to shoot a male I will have to do a bit of homework and have some general ideas already mapped out.

At the end of the day they were shooting inside this caged lift and I got the this shot. Later I saw another photographers photo using the same setting and it was amazing.




It was really cool to see what other people did in the same set and I learned so much just from watching other photographers as well as models.

I also did a couple of shots using a projection screen...not a big fan, but I did snap the following that turned out somewhat ok but not entirely happy about it.




Model: Sudip Limbu
Hair: Cara Leupuscek
Makeup: Melinda
Lighting & Sets: Studio 1A Sydney

17. April 2014 14:04
by Rene Pallesen
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Open day photoshoot - Valerie Peovska 50's style

17. April 2014 14:04 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

I did another set/makeup shoot with Valerie in a more 50's style setting.First I had her standing up
I did another set/makeup shoot with Valerie in a more 50's style setting.

First I had her standing up, but just could not get the poses working for me with the makeup and the set...just somehow seemed out of place and it was my second set of the day so I was still trying to get used to the whole idea of giving posing directions.

Eventually I had her sit down and managed to get this photo which I think captured the whole 1950's style much better.




Model : Valerie Pueovska
Hair : Cara Leupuscek
MUA : Melisa Tomic
Studio/Set: 1A Sydney
Photographer : Rene Pallesen

17. April 2014 06:04
by Rene Pallesen
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Open day photoshoot - Valerie Peovska

17. April 2014 06:04 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

I did a couple of different sets with Valerie. Depending on the makeup she would look totally differ
I did a couple of different sets with Valerie. Depending on the makeup she would look totally different and unrecognisable.

I call this my 'Get Lost' photo...bit of attitude.







Model: Valerie Peovska
Hair: Cara Leupuscek
Makeup: Melisa Tomic
Set: Studio 1A Sydney


16. April 2014 16:04
by Rene Pallesen
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Open day photoshoot - Edyta Jedrzejowska

16. April 2014 16:04 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

The last of the girls that I shot at the window set was Edyta.She has got a bit more of a rough look
The last of the girls that I shot at the window set was Edyta.

She has got a bit more of a rough look to her...a bit like Geena Davis in 'Long Kiss Goodnight'.

Being at the window with soft light everywhere the tough look didn't work for me, but I did manage to get this photo which emotionally is a bit more on the lighter side.




Model: Edyta Jedrzejowska
Hair: Cara Leupuscek
Makeup: Melisa Tomic
Set: Studio 1A Sydney

16. April 2014 08:04
by Rene Pallesen
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Open Day photoshoot - Britney Williams

16. April 2014 08:04 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

Another Natural Light shoot that I did was with a girl called Britney.She has a very photogenic face


After Split we headed across the border into Bosnia to a town called Mostar. Some will remember Mostar from the terrible fighting that took place here during the war in Yugoslavia in 1992 and 1993. The town has this beautiful river running through it with this anciant bridge running across it. During the war this bridge was blown up by the Bosnian Croat forces but has now been re-built thanks to the United Nations and especially Spain. The original bridge was built during the ottoman empire during the 16th Century.

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The Bridge looks even more stunning at night and especially with all the mosques in the surrounding area.

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Mostar is only a few hours drive from the border up through this beautiful valley. Today a fair number of tourists go to Mostar to see the bridge, but most of them only stay for one night and then move on. We decided to stay for two nights because it was easier with Aiden. Again Kim had done a good job finding accomodation in at Old museum (more like a beautiful old house really)...the was also the only house that was left more or less intact after the war (only a few mortar shells through the top floor).

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During the day we spent a few hours on the river going for a swim. The water was quite cool coming from the mountains and there was a lot of current so Kim and Aiden stayed at the edge, but I jumped in a few times and let the current take me a couple of meters before heading back to shore.

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The locals jump off the bridge and into the river...and it is a fairly high jump from the bridge to the water (24 metres apparently). Every year there is a special festival where they do it, but now they mainly do it to entertain the tourists for a bit of money in return.

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People were very friendly in Bosnia, of all the places we travelled through we probably found the croats the least approachable and helpful.


During the war the town was surrounded by Bosnian Croat forces and the population consisting mainly of muslims decided to defend themselves. The city was hammered to pieces by Croat artiliry fire and even today it is hard to find a house without scars from bulletholes and grenades.

It is worthwhile to have a look at the following video to see what happened here in 1993: Mostar in 1993



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Mostar is surrounded by steaphills and it would have been almost impossible to find cover from snipers and artiliery from above.


Now almost 20 years later there are still many ruins right in the centre of east Mostar where we were staying and there are lots of house that are full of bulletholes and people are still living in these houses.In the houses that have not been repaired it is almost impossible to find a 30 by 30cm patch that does not have a bullet hole or grenade fragments in it. It would have been a hell on earth living or fighting here during these times.


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Inside the city limites there are three cemeteries and they are all full of victims killed in 1993...all mixed with Muslim, Christian and Orthodox. It is a very sobering experience to see that every grave is marked with the exact same year and that almost every victim was born at about the same time as Kim and myself.

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Today the population seems to be getting along regardless of background and religion.

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The surrounding hills in the valley driving in from Croatia also have old castles and ruins on them. It is a very scenic drive and highly recommended.


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We have a very nice time in Bosnia and we can highly recommend that people go there to visit.

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People should not forget Mostar and especially not forget what happened here in 1992 and 1993.

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12. August 2011 10:55
by Rene Pallesen
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Krka National Park - Croatia

12. August 2011 10:55 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

krka national park croatia


We spent a day driving to a National Park along the Krka river.This park has the most amazing waterfalls and clear blue water to swim in.

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Kim and I both agree that this park is much better and less overcrowded than Plitvice National Park. There are also fewer steps and better tracks whick made it more pram friendly.


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The park is full of small waterfalls.


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Back in time the water from the river was used to drive a watermill, which is still functioning to this day.

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The lower falls you can swim in. We all went for a swim and the water was beautiful...Aiden didn't want to leave.


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10. August 2011 12:25
by Rene Pallesen
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Split - Croatia

10. August 2011 12:25 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

split croatia


After Denmark we went to Croatia. Our first stop was Split arriving late at night into Split Airport, picking up the rental car and baby seat and then navigating our way to the apartment we had rented for a few days.

The apartment was very nice (Kim is good at finding accomodation) and they had provided a baby cot for Aiden to sleep in (all the places we stayed provided a cot for us), next to the best beach in town and it was about a kilometers walk from the central part of the city.

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Split is famous because of the Diocletians Palace, which is an enormous and fairly well preserved palace in the middle of the city. The Palace was built for the retirement of the Roman emperor Diocletian at around 300AD. There are still a lot of well preserved buildings and cellars within the palace walls, but there is also a lot of more 'modern' houses, shops, restaurants etc.

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Walking around and getting lost in the small alleys was really pleasant.


Just outside the Gold gate there is an enormous status, and it is said that if you touch the toe of the statue then it brings you luck and guarantees your return to Split (We did drive past Split a week later....maybe that counts).

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In the evenings it was pleasant walking along the shore and take in the views of the city.

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And all the locals were out stretching their legs too...

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And we really enjoyed the fresh seafood.

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Aiden loved the food and the decor of some of the restaurants.

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9. August 2011 04:56
by Rene Pallesen
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Rostock and Warnemunde

9. August 2011 04:56 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

rostock and warnemunde


On one of the other days we did a trip to Germany to a town called Rostock (former East Germany). This is a two hour ferry ride from where my dad lives.

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Rostock is one of the old Hansestads and the inner city has a lot of old houses and beautiful water fountains.

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It started raining so we decided to drive up to one of the other coastal towns called Warnemunde. This is a little very charming place with old houses, fishing boats and along the coast there are very nice groovy cafes.

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In the later afternoon we took the ferry back to Denmark. Aff the Danish coastline they have constructed a massive windmill park with hundreds of windmills generating Electricity.

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8. August 2011 04:38
by Rene Pallesen
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Hans Christian Andersens House

8. August 2011 04:38 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

hans christian andersens house


We went to HC Andersens house in Odense in Denmark. This is the house that he was living in and behind the house they have now build a museum and a park with a castle theatre for the kids.

We started out in the park as there was a play about to start in the theatre.

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The play was a 15 minute recap of all the most famous stories and it was very well done and very funny (especially the Emperors new Clothing).

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Both Aiden and Bedstefar really enjoyed the play together.

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Afterwards we went to see the actual house HC andersen was living in.

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HC Andersen is one of Kims favourite writers.


And we also visited the museum.

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7. August 2011 07:40
by Rene Pallesen
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Egeskov Castle

7. August 2011 07:40 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

egeskov castle


After visiting HC Andersens house we went to Egeskov Castle.

This is a castle that has now been converted into a museum and the surrounding area has been converted into very nice gardens, playgrounds, ponds etc.

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The museum hosts old armory, paintings and the owners dad used to go big game hunting in Africa and a lot of the trophies are on display.

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Inside the castle they have one of the most amazing doll houses. It is very detailed and some of the pieces have been donated by the royal families of europe.

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In one of the adjacent building have now have a museum for old cars and motorcycles.

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This was one of Kims favourites.

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They also had a museum for old fire engines.

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While I was busy with the fire engines my Dad and Kim did the tree-top walk nearby.

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After this we took the ferry back home to complete the tour. By the end of the day we had driven across 9 different islands (Falster -> Masnedø -> Sjælland -> Sprogø -> Fyn -> Tåsinge -> Siø -> Langeland -> Lolland). A long day but well worth it.
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21. August 2015 08:08
by Rene Pallesen
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Aiden Birthday

21. August 2015 08:08 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

I realised that I hadn't posted anything from Aidens birthday.On the weekend we had a bowling birthd
I realised that I hadn't posted anything from Aidens birthday.

On the weekend we had a bowling birthday party with all the kids (and mum and dad) dressed up as super heroes.

















We also had a family dinner where we celebrated both his, Kayla's and Adams (his cousins) birthdays.











21. August 2015 07:08
by Rene Pallesen
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Morning of Frost

21. August 2015 07:08 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

Although we have had a beautiful winter with lots of sunny days and mild daytime temperatures, we ha
Although we have had a beautiful winter with lots of sunny days and mild daytime temperatures, we have also had some cold mornings.



One morning the car had frost on it and it was only 5 degrees outside (most winter mornings it is 8-10 degrees with 18-22 degree daytime temps).


21. August 2015 07:08
by Rene Pallesen
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Aiden graduating to Turtle

21. August 2015 07:08 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

Last weekend Aiden graduated in his swim class from being a Crab to being a turtle.He's been in the
Last weekend Aiden graduated in his swim class from being a Crab to being a turtle.



He's been in the swim class for a couple of years now and never graduated. He would swim fine with me, but would cry and be scared with the swim teacher.

After our trip to Thailand in June he gained a lot of confidence and was very happy to swim by himself, but the swim teacher was too careful so he was unable to show what a good swimmer he really is. So, last weekend I asked the swim teacher to let him swim with the result that she by the end of the lesson graduated him and moved him to the next class.

He was so proud (and so was his dad).

18. August 2015 16:08
by Rene Pallesen
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Coastal walk with the boys

18. August 2015 16:08 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

In the spirit of trying to keep the boys active Kim and I took them of a coastal walk from Coogee to
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7. January 2016 18:01
by Rene Pallesen
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Hunter Valley Christmas 2015

7. January 2016 18:01 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

Between Christmas and New year we went to the Hunter Valley with Sasha and his family.We stayed over
Between Christmas and New year we went to the Hunter Valley with Sasha and his family.

We stayed overnight in a cabin in Lovedale.




During the day we tasted wines at the various wineries (found some good ones).






















The kids also loved playing at the cabin in the evenings.

























































7. January 2016 18:01
by Rene Pallesen
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Christmas 2015

7. January 2016 18:01 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

This year we decided not to celebrate on the eve of the 24 and just stick with the 25th at KC's plac
This year we decided not to celebrate on the eve of the 24 and just stick with the 25th at KC's place (too much cooking otherwise). I was responsible for the Christmas ham (with limited success).

It was a relaxing day and the kids were very exited about their presents.

























16. December 2015 13:12
by Rene Pallesen
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Silliness

16. December 2015 13:12 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

Sometimes when I am setting up for a photo especially Aiden likes to jump in a get silly.It is a goo
Sometimes when I am setting up for a photo especially Aiden likes to jump in a get silly.

It is a good way to test the lighting and sometimes I managed to get a 'keeper' such as this one from a few weeks back.


16. December 2015 12:12
by Rene Pallesen
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Christmas family photo 2015

16. December 2015 12:12 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

It is almost Christmas and I've just completed our annual family Christmas photo and this is the fin
It is almost Christmas and I've just completed our annual family Christmas photo and this is the final version.



It was an interesting process getting to this photo this year. Last year we did a photo in the kitchen of us baking a cake, but this years photo has so many more elements to it.

The idea came from a combination of Kim and my ideas. Kim wanted to do a photo of the boys through a crystal ball. I actually bought the crystal ball right after Christmas last year with this year in mind.

We did a test in front of the tree in early December which was reasonably okay, but Kim didn't like the feel to it. She wanted more snow (pretty ambitious on a summers day here in Sydney Australia).



My idea for our family photo was based on me wanting to do a story of us as a family out in a snow storm 'Looking for Santa'. I had purchased a bag of artificial snow and a Christmas cape a few months back and we had some lanterns downstairs so I pretty much had all the components in place for the shoot.

I knew I had to do it as a composite with the boys as there was no way that I would be able to get the photo with all four of us at once. We did the photo over a couple of days, on the first evening (after the kids had gone to bed) I took the one of Kim and myself holding the lantern. Once I had this photo I could show it to Aiden and Lucas so that they knew what we needed them to do (Lucas just had to copy Aiden).



I had Gaffa taped markers on the floor so everyone would know where they were supposed to stand. Inside the lantern I had hidden a speedlight gelled with CTO to make it look light the lantern was lit. We are actually lit by a large Einstein strobe also with CTO, grid and barn doors to control the spill of the light.
At the back left and right were another two speedlights providing a bit of rim light to emulate moon light.

Because of the first 'failed' attempt of the crystal ball I got the idea to extend my 'Looking for Santa' photo into Santa's shed where he would have a crystal ball where he could look at us looking for him.
This would require three components - The crystal ball, the lights from the Christmas tree to create atmosphere and then Santa himself. I created Santa by hanging a hat on a chair which was easy to light and then I had another light which I used to balance the ambient with the lights from the tree.

The final photo all combined looks like the following, but in the end we decided to just use the tighter crop in the first and final photo.

1. December 2015 12:12
by Rene Pallesen
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Aiden Graduation and Christmas Concert

1. December 2015 12:12 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

It was time again for the annual Christmas concert with Aiden and Lucas' daycare.Aiden is starting '
It was time again for the annual Christmas concert with Aiden and Lucas' daycare.

Aiden is starting 'big' school after Christmas, so this was also his graduation.



Kim and Aiden had both practiced some dancing and songs for the concert and were both dressed up, Aiden as a doctor and Lucas as a pumpkin.





Although Aiden was very excited leading up to the concert and was telling everyone how he was going to sing and dance, he absolutely broke down once we got there overwhelmed by all the people and the noise.

It was heartbreaking to see him like that on an evening where he should be enjoying himself. He was crying and didn't want to get on the stage. Eventually we managed to get him up and he did try and participate.





Lucas on the other hand had a great time, unfortunately I didn't get a lot of photos of that because I had to try and comfort Aiden.





After the show Santa turned up wit presents for the kids and he was a lot happier again.







After that the graduates had their photos taken and had cake.




1. December 2015 12:12
by Rene Pallesen
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7th Anniversary

1. December 2015 12:12 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

This month Kim and I had our anniversary.I cant believe we have been married for 7 years...still lov
This month Kim and I had our anniversary.

I cant believe we have been married for 7 years...still love her to bits.

29. November 2015 22:11
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Ballet - Sleeping Beauty

29. November 2015 22:11 by Admin | 0 Comments

Saturday Kim and I went to the Sydney Opera house to watch the Sleeping Beauty performed by the Aust
Saturday Kim and I went to the Sydney Opera house to watch the Sleeping Beauty performed by the Australian Ballet.



It was one of the better ballets we have seen. The story was great and the dancing (lots of it) was of a really high quality.

The even managed to weave in some of the Red riding hood story, Puss in boots, Cinderella and other stories.

It was beautiful to watch.

25. October 2015 09:10
by Rene Pallesen
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Velvet - 2015

25. October 2015 09:10 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

Last night Kim and I went to the show Velvet at the Sydney Opera House.It was a combination of circu
Last night Kim and I went to the show Velvet at the Sydney Opera House.

It was a combination of circus, burlesque and boogie nights (70's music) in one show.




The show had great music with Marcia Hines and Brendan Maclean and the performers were great. I think everyones favourite was the guy with the hula hoops.

1. October 2015 19:10
by Rene Pallesen
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Some more baby photos

1. October 2015 19:10 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

I don't know for sure which ones are Claus and which ones are Rene.
I don't know for sure which ones are Claus and which ones are Rene.




















30. September 2015 18:09
by Rene Pallesen
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Claus as a tennis player

30. September 2015 18:09 by Rene Pallesen | 0 Comments

This post is mostly about Claus when he was at his top as one of Denmarks top tennis players.I have
This post is mostly about Claus when he was at his top as one of Denmarks top tennis players.

I have kept scans of all the newspaper clippings from when he was winning a lot of tournaments.





























































In the mid 90's he started to get pretty sick and although he still tried to play tennis it was never at the same level again. Eventually he more or less gave up. His illness took to great a hold of him. These are some of the 'darkest' photos I have of him while he was struggling with his schizophrenia and were taken shortly before I moved to Australia.





He lost contact with most of his friends and was very dependent on my mum and dad as well as other support programs in place.







I prefer to remember him as he was before he passed away.


















This poem reminds me of him.

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

—Meggie Royer