Last night Kim and I went to the show Velvet at the Sydney Opera House.

It was a combination of circus, burlesque and boogie nights (70's music) in one show.




The show had great music with Marcia Hines and Brendan Maclean and the performers were great. I think everyones favourite was the guy with the hula hoops.

I don't know for sure which ones are Claus and which ones are Rene.

This post is mostly about Claus when he was at his top as one of Denmarks top tennis players.

I have kept scans of all the newspaper clippings from when he was winning a lot of tournaments.





























































In the mid 90's he started to get pretty sick and although he still tried to play tennis it was never at the same level again. Eventually he more or less gave up. His illness took to great a hold of him. These are some of the 'darkest' photos I have of him while he was struggling with his schizophrenia and were taken shortly before I moved to Australia.





He lost contact with most of his friends and was very dependent on my mum and dad as well as other support programs in place.







I prefer to remember him as he was before he passed away.


















This poem reminds me of him.

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

—Meggie Royer

Here are some more photos from my childhood in no particular order.

The first ones from a New Years eve where we got a bit silly with the hats. These were taken at a New Years even in Kenya and before my brother got really sick, so probably around 1989/90.



And here is Claus.



And my mum.




I was really good at shooting when I was a kid and won lots of championships. This photo is one of the few things I have from that time.


This is Claus and I with our dog.



Not sure which ones of these is Claus and which is me.




















This was taken just christmas day in the back yard of my grandma's (Mormor) house. We got the skis as a christmas present. All the fields behind her house belonged to my mothers brother Flemming.



I think this may be my brother. For the first time I've noticed the photo in the background. It looks like this may be a photo of my mum with her two sisters and brother and what could be her dad Raimer in the middle.















This would most likely be the new years eve where we were trapped by the snow 1978/79. We were supposed to have celebrated with the family but couldn't even get out of the house. Delicious with a glass of milk and a pie.






We didn't have a lawn in the back yard. Instead we had pebbles...lots of fun shoveling them.







This I think is a christmas eve dinner at my grandmas (mormor) place. My mum on the left and my uncle Flemming in the middle. Not sure who the person standing up in. It could be my grandmas brother. Possibly from around 1976/77


I think it is my great grandpa (Raimer) in the middle row number two from the left. The title of the photo says that it is Christoffer (??) in the top left corner. Looking at the age of the boys this would have been taken in the 1920's.


Claus dancing aeound the christmas tree and my mum and grandma (Bedstemor/Farmor).


From left to Right. My grandma (On my dads side/Bedstemor/farmor), Knud Aage (My uncle/dads brother), My mum (in the foreground), My grandad (in the background), Irene (my auntie/dads sister), Grete and I assume the baby is Vinnie which means that it is likely that my mum was pregnant with Claus (born in July).






















This was taken at my grandparents place and after my brother got sick. He was really suffering at this point.






This is one of the happiest family photos I have and the only one I have a print of.



Going for a walk at Marielyst with Lott and Willy some of our german friends. Claus in the foreground and my dad on the right. I think you can just spot me in yellow pants in the background.



I think this is at Lotte and Willy's summer house.






Not sure if this is Claus or myself being babtised. It is my grand mother being god mother.











This was taken outside our summer house in Marielyst.



My brother number 2 from the top right on his school photo.



Claus at daycare number 4 from the top left.



Me at day care top left.

Here is some more old photos of my mum. This time with here brother and sisters.

This first one if probably one of the oldest. You can tell that the photo was shot in black and white and that the negative was later coloured (badly). It would be my mum in the middle with her two sisters Eli (the oldest on the right) and Yrsa.




This is my mum in the middle with what I assume is cousins.





I think it is my grandmother (Karen) holding my mum.


Here is the same as the first photo, but this time without the colour.



My mum and her sisters playing in the courtyard of their farm


My mum with her older sisters.


Eli, Yrsa, Sonja and Flemming Kragh.


Having her photo taken as a little girl.


Upset about having her photo taken?
























My mum with her younger brother Flemming.


As a liitle girl


My mum in school.





From left to right...Eli, Yrsa my mum (Sonja) and Flemming.


As a young girls/woman...possibly from her Konfirmation.



My mum as a girl scout (no 4 from the left).


It is Flemming in the middle and my mum on the right.

When I was a kid we would every summer travel to Southern Europe with our caravan.

Usually travelling through Swizerland or Austria ending up in Italy (Either Lido di Jesolo or the Italian Riviera). Underway we would visit old friends of my mum and dad from the time they were working in Italy.

Here are some photos from that time.









I just noticed the burn scar on my arm on the above photo. I think this is one of the few childhood photos where you can really see it.




















This was out caravan while travelling.








This is our caravan with the tent up in the middle.

This weekend we took the kids for a walk with some friends from Maroubra to Lurline Bay.

It is a nice little pleasant walk that is easy for the kids.




They loved jumping between the boulders.




...and exploring the small rock pools.







Because of the recent storms the beach was full of Blue bottles, so no playing in the sand this time around.





They are nasty little creatures that will sting you badly if you touch them.




This surfer was being very careful in his bare feet.

Earlier this month it was Lucas birthday.

We didn't have a kids party for him, but we did celebrate with the family.







We gave him a new bike for his birthday...he was stunned and didn't know what to think of it, but he loves riding it now.

Last weekend there was a Lego exhibition in the city.

We caught the train in to St James station and walked from there.





It was a fairly small exhibition with my favourite being the pirate ship with all the details of the lower decks.












There was also some Ninjago and Star wars.










And a lot of other pieces.

Rather than keeping all the kids artwork I instead take photos of it.

Here is some of the latest additions.

Kim and I went to see the Swan Lake with the Australian Ballet at the Capitol Theatre this season.

Neither of us had ever seen the swan lake and really wanted to see it. My dad was here at the same time but he was happy to babysit the kids while we we were going.



It was a beautiful performance and without a doubt the best ballet I have seen.

Since the kids were babtised last year Kim though it would make sense that she would be babtised too.

So, early January it was her turn with just the immediate family around.

It was a privilege to live in Kenya during the 80's. Much of the the country had seen very few (if any) white people.

So, everywhere that we went we seemed to be the main attraction (especially me and my brother with our blonde hair).

To be honest I can't identify all the tribes anymore, but I know that a lot of them are from Samburu, Turkana and the northern part of Kenya.

I suspect that if you went to those areas today then they would all be wearing T-Shirts.

Needless to say that I saw a lot of animals while in Kenya.

I don't know how it is today, but back then they were everywhere in the national parks.

Here is some of the Rhinos we saw.












Elephants were plentiful.




Lots of cheetahs.










And lots of lions.



























Their kittens.










Lots of Hippos (Lots of these in Lake victoria) and they would be grazing on the golf course across the street.



Hyenas




The vultures eating the remains of the kills.




And of cause loads of zebras and various gazelles.

My time in Kenya was every kids dream.

I got see and do things that few other kids had a chance of doing and it definitely had a big impact on my adult life.



Living at Lake Victoria gave me the chance of catching the biggest fish I have ever caught (A 56pound/25kg Nile Perch).



I also caught the smallest fish I have ever caught in that same lake.




We didn't need fancy fishing gear, just a stick with a piece of line on it.



Life, going to school and emerged in a different culture was a different kind of life (This is our house maid, my brother and my grandmother in front of our house).





This is Filistus another of our house maids. She was working for us most of our time there (we found out the she died from a bad case of malaria years after we left).





Here we are riding a 100 year old turtle.



Life with my brother was also very different. He discovered his talent for Tennis in Kenya and could whoop most of the adults arse when he was 12yo.






No hair dressers around so we also had the worst hair cuts.







There wasn't a lot of Europeans around so we'd know most with a 100km radius.



Family life was simple (not TV) but good.










Our dog was part of the family and made quite a few trips to Kenya.





Every afternoon was spent at the Nyanza Country club where Claus played Tennis and we went swimming.

I taught myself to swim and owe these days to how solid a swimmer I am today...I got really upset that I couldn't swim and my stubborness kicked in and I became determined to learn...fast.



Some of the less memorable moments were the school plays where I was dressed up as a big bird.



Here is one of Claus singing in the choir.

I have started going through some of the old photos on my computer and will start post some of them on my blog.

The first one I stumbled upon one of my class photos from Kenya from 1981/82 when I went to Kisumu Primary School.

I was the only white person in my class (we were 5-6 europeans in the whole school)

One evening while staying at the farm we went to the Hunter Valley gardens to check out the light show and the mega bugs.





There were lots of really creepy insects around the garden and they were all moving and making sounds.






The light show was also really good and there were a couple of new things compared to last year.



And we also spend a bit more time in the story garden.







And the story about girls and boys is 'different'...






...but maybe true for these little monkeys.

At the end of the summer holidays we made a trip up north to Broke (Hunter Valley) with the kids and some friends to stay at an Alpaca farm.




It didn't take long for Aiden to get comfortable with feeding the Alpacas but Lucas was a bit more hesitant and was happy to just observe or throw the food at them.










The Alpacas also provided them with a biology lesson teaching them about the bees and the flowers.




We also did a bit of wine tasting while we were in that part of the hunter.









But the kids were more interested in playing outside and chasing the cat.

My New Years resolution for this year is to get healthy.

By this I don't mean that I will try and become super fit and start running marathons. No, I just mean that I want to get to a stage where I feel healthy, do a bit of exercise, have a healthy mental state and generally eat healthy.

I started really well on this last year, but about half way through I started getting sick all the time (like every 2-3 weeks).

 


This time around I want to have 2 months without getting sick and then I will start some easy to moderate exercise again.

I want to see if I can get back to running again.

Here is a fun little street sign. This is a place I wanna live...

This week was the end of the GCC challenge at work. It was 16 weeks of walking almost 10km every day competing against other teams within the company and other companies. In total there was more than 13000 teams of 7 team members each. By the end of the challenge our team was positioned at the top 10% which I think is pretty good.




Since the race finished I've been walking to work every day.

Last week we had breakfast with Audrey and Aren. Aren was born three days after Aiden was born at the same hospital and during Kims pregnancy we met them at the antenatal classes.

Menu was pancakes and afterwards I offered to do some photos of Audrey and Aren.

This afternoon Kim and I decided to try and take a photo of Aiden for his passport. This was not as easy as it sounded and he couldn't sit or lie still and was making all sort of expressions.

These photos were all taken within 10 minutes from start to finish... He is such a funny little boy!

This weekend we finally got around to taking some nice outdoor family photos.

We made out way to Centennial park in the afternoon for a coffee, walk and photoshoot. When we got there they had closed most of the roads for a bicycle race so we had to park outside the park.

After the coffee we walked over to one of the closer located lakes and set up for a couple of photos and these are the results.

Aiden was very well behaved although having a few problems with locating the direction of the camera and being confused with the new exciting surroundings. He is now 11 weeks young.












(strobist: SB80DX @ 1/2 power with 1/2 CTO camera left triggered by CTR301P, Nikon 80-200mm f2.8, 3200s, D50)

Every year my work provides with a Volunteer day where we don't have to work and can do volunteer work for any organisation of our choice.

This Friday some of the guys at work organised a day of work at the Celebral Palsy centre (spastic) so I chose to help out (beats sitting behind a desk on a sunny day). The location was at one of their houses in Frenchs Forest and we were to do some maintenance of their garden and some painting of the interior.

There was seven of us so we split up into two teams where I was on the team doing painting. The gardening team definitely had the easier job.


It was a really good day and here are some of the photos from our day out.

Last year Kim and I won 5 days worth of accommodation at Smiggings Hole at Perisher. Because we had Aiden it was difficult for us to go (for some reason the place would not allow children that young).

We therefore decided to let KC and Chong have three of the days with their kids and then I would go with someone else for a weekend. We were lucky that the place would allow all of us to go on the same weekend during the peak season at Perisher.

Soeren and I left Friday afternoon to do the 500km drive to Perisher. We stopped at Cooma to pick up car chains and ski gear and arrived at the lodge just before 7pm...just in time for dinner with the rest of the family.


In the morning we woke up to a glorious day and we hit the fields immediately heading straight to the Blue Cow area after doing a few warm up runs. In the past I have only been skiing in the front of the valley and Mt Perisher itself so it was nice to have some new unexplored territory and it was also nice to get away from the crowds.

In the evening we again had dinner with the family...4 courses at the lodge. I think everyone was pretty tired from a whole day outside so it was a fairly early bedtime.




On the second day the weather closed in and there was a blizzard. On the tops there was a fresh load of snow. My highlight was that I managed to have a good run of Kamikaze which is the only double black diamond in the area and I felt really good on it because of the great conditions. The photo above was taken on top of Bluecow shortly earlier.

Later in the morning Soeren and I met up with chong and we did a couple of runs at Perisher Mountain. Again, because of the blizzard there was no crowds and off the sides of the slopes the snow was soft and deep (for Australian standards). I had really good fun on the unprepared runs in the loose snow and felt solid getting down the terrain (you don't gain much experience from running on prepared slopes all the time).


In the early afternoon we headed back down, packed up and made our way back to Sydney (in just under 6 hours).

So how is daddy coping with fatherhood. Fatherhood is great...So far it has been a lot easier than I thought it would be. So far I would by lying if I didn't say that I enjoy every minute of it.

Everyone around me told me that it is sooo hard having kids, especially the first few months are a nightmare. Not sure what they are talking about...yeah Aiden wakes up at weird times wanting a feed, but besides from that he is doing what babies are expected to be doing. He is sleeping, pooping, crying and eating...easy!



...That is when I'm around. For example this weekend when I was in the snow he was crying all the time. It seems that he somehow senses when I'm not around and then starts being difficult. Maybe he is turning into a daddy's boy ;-)


When we were expecting I promised myself that I would just relax and enjoy the new company. There is no point stressing and swimming against the current...so if he wants to cry then he can cry, and if he wants to eat then he can eat. While we were planng kids I was worried if I was parent material and how good a dad I would be. I had never really been around newborns...let alone picked up one. I am getting a lot more confident now.

During the week Kim does the night feeds as I have to go to work in the Morning, but during the weekends I generally give him the bottle at night. Sometimes I have to then catch up on some sleep later in the day (otherwise Kim will have to deal with two babies) but that is ok.

Aiden turned two months old a couple of days ago and is a good little boy. He has started smiling and laughing once in a while when he is in a good mood. He is very curious and looks around to study and understand his surroundings all the time which I take as a good thing.

I think his favourite time is when we take a shower together. Kim and I discovered that it is a lot easier to just take him in the shower with me rather than having to fill up bath tubs etc. We also think that his least favourite time is go leave the shower.

This morning I had an early start (for a Sunday) taking the bus into the city to participate in the city to surf race. This is a race that starts from Hyde park in the centre of Sydney and ends at Bondi beach which is one of the most famous beaches in Australia (but not the best).In this years race there were over 80,000 participants.




I met up with a couple of work colleagues at Martin place in the city. We all also participate in the Global Corporate Challenge and this was a good way to increase our stepcount. We were starting at the back of thepack...which pretty much meant that we were planning to walk the 14.1 kilometers to Bondi.




Out team name in the GCC is Onthophagytes (Dung beatles)...so the photo above is very appropriate.

It was freezing in the morning but the sun was out, so as soon as we started walking we were warm.


Along the way to Bondi there is different people entertaining and a lot of people were dressed up (we were overtaken by Superman and an Avatar).















When we got to Bondi (I'll know my race time later but I think it will be around 2 hours and 15 minutes...It turned out to be 2:29:28...just just below my target of 2.5 hours) te queue for the buses were mile long. I already knew they were going to be impossible and therefor decided to walk to Coogee (another 7km) and then have Kim pick me up from there. Two of my colleagues decided to join me on the walk and then catch the bus from there.



It was a pleasant walk where we stopped for a bite at Bronte and eventually had a quick beer (for me anyway) at Coogee before Kim called me and told me she was there with Aiden in the car.

Sunday I had a couple of hours to spare to explore while Kim was looking after Aiden. I decided to drive to La Perouse and then walk along the coast to Cape Banks to find the shipwreck of SS Minmi.



The ship hit the cliffs in heavy fog and storm in 1937 and broke in two. Part of the wreck is still visible on the rocks. Because it is on the inside of the heads the wreck isn't as exposed to wind and waves as it would have been on the outside so there is still a lot of the ship left.







The walk out there from La Perouse was longer than I expected so I was a bit rushed and didn't have as much time taking photos as I would have liked. It took me about two hours to walk out there and back via Henry Heads (here there is still some remnants of gun positions from the wartime).

It is actually a really nice walk and I will have to come back with Kim and Aiden sometime. I will have to check out if it is possible to drive a bit closer.



I managed to make it back just in time for the family coming over for dinner.

Hi everyone. My mum and dad is telling me that I am now one month old...what ever that means. I am still coming to terms with me feeling really hungry every 3 hours. One Month....how many feeds is that?

I am getting more used to be in this world, my mum and dad are doing their best to make me comfortable but I still cry once in a while. My dad is telling me that big boys like me shouldn't cry...but I feel so little compared to all of them so why shouldn't I cry?

In the evening I like to sit in daddy's lap. It is nice, warm and secure there. Sometimes I almost fall asleep there before my dad puts me to bed, but I usually beg him to let me stay a little longer. On the weekends he is happy with me spending time there, but I really miss daddy during the week when he is at work. During the week I ask my mummy as well, but she is too tired from feeding me all the time...I think this sometimes frustrates her as she would like some rest in between my feeds. I have grown a lot and I can no longer fit into my first set of clothes it must be all those meals.


I have also started having a shower on some days with my dad instead of a bath in my bathtub. It is really nice to feel the warm water drops on my little body and it feels much nicer and secure than having a bath in my bathtub. I have learned that I should close my eyes and hold my breath when he puts my head under the water. Daddy says that hopefully it will make me less scared in a couple of years time when he is going to teach me something called 'swimming'.



Most evenings I get a little upset for a couple of hours, I don't understand why but mummy and daddy calls it my 'witches hour' and says that it is normal and should pass. My dad is very patient and is telling me that for the first 6-8 weeks they will respond to all my needs, but after that they will start setting some rules to make me sleep all through the night.

My dad is still taking photos of me. I still find it confusing and I am not sure in what direction to look when he is taking photos. Should I look at him, mummy, the lights or all the interesting alien space ships I'm surrounded by?