A couple of times now we have caught Lucas in the process of cleaning the toilet using the toilet brush. We really have to watch him, because he is quick and within a few seconds he will be in there up to his mischief if we don't watch out.

Aiden recently ended up in hospital again...this time really bad.

He had another seizure similar to the last time, but this time a lot worse and he didn't wake up from it.

At the hospital they couldn't get him to respond either and he started having neurological damage symptoms.

They decided to put him to sleep on a breathing aparatus and go through the whole process of CT scans, Xrays, spinal fluid examinations etc.



Kim and I were really scared and I stayed with him for 4 days in the hospital until he eventually recovered enough to go home.






The doctors were unable to find out why he seizure was so violent so now we are really worried that he may get another one.

Recently it was fathers day...the kids surprised me in the morning giving me a new coffee mug.

Sometimes we take the kids to Little dynamo to play. It is this 4 level play centre for the kids.

Last weekend Aiden and I went to Sammi's 4th B'day.

It was held up at Mona Vale and involved a small bush walk for the kids.



Some of the way Aiden and Sammi were holding hands.



Afterwards we had cake and played with clay.







And after the party Aiden and I went for another little walk and spotted a hug red belly black snake.

We are in the process of potty training Aiden...so far ain't working.

He is reasonably happy to sit on the toilet in front of the TV...but so far he is holding it in.

Some time ago we had a TEDx session at work...it was great to be part of an international phenomena.




I hope they will run more sessions in the future and that they will be able to get some really interesting speakers in the room.

Aiden is a bit of a worry...although he is a social kid he is quite scared of a lot of things and requires a lot of help doing things.

Because he has been delayed on a lot of fronts including his comprehension he would like to play with the other kids but doesn't understand the games they are playing.

This means that he in a lot of cases finds comfort just playing by himself rather than with the other kids.





It does mean that whenever they have group games then he will require someone who can give him step by step instructions until he understands the game.



Mind you when he does find someone who is interested in playing the games he does understand then it is great to see.

Last week we made the trip to Fiji with the kids.

Kim is just about to finish her maternity leave and my work asked me to reduce my accumulated annual leave days by taking some time off so we decided to go away for a week.

We stayed at the Hilton close to Nadi (we found it too far to travel with the kids to the coral coast). This is the view from our room.




Aiden and Lucas had lots of fun playing on the balcony (Lucas enjoyed throwing toys off the balcony).



And we did spend some time in the sand as well.





And trying to teach Lucas to walk (he can almost stand by himself now).



But all the swimming was done in the swimming pool at the hotel.



We didn't venture out much, but on most of the evenings we would walk over to the local Marina to eat (the food was better and cheaper).



One day we hired a nanny to look after Lucas (with little success as they were unable to feed him and settle him, so we still had to be there).

The other day I went for a walk in Centenial Park. For the first time I ventured into the memorial (normally there are lots of dogs and poo in this area so I generally avoid it).

The ceiling of the memorial is quite pretty and I can see myself coming back to do some more photos at some stage.

Between Christmas and New year we went to the Hunter Valley with Sasha and his family.

We stayed overnight in a cabin in Lovedale.




During the day we tasted wines at the various wineries (found some good ones).






















The kids also loved playing at the cabin in the evenings.

This year we decided not to celebrate on the eve of the 24 and just stick with the 25th at KC's place (too much cooking otherwise). I was responsible for the Christmas ham (with limited success).

It was a relaxing day and the kids were very exited about their presents.

Sometimes when I am setting up for a photo especially Aiden likes to jump in a get silly.

It is a good way to test the lighting and sometimes I managed to get a 'keeper' such as this one from a few weeks back.

It is almost Christmas and I've just completed our annual family Christmas photo and this is the final version.



It was an interesting process getting to this photo this year. Last year we did a photo in the kitchen of us baking a cake, but this years photo has so many more elements to it.

The idea came from a combination of Kim and my ideas. Kim wanted to do a photo of the boys through a crystal ball. I actually bought the crystal ball right after Christmas last year with this year in mind.

We did a test in front of the tree in early December which was reasonably okay, but Kim didn't like the feel to it. She wanted more snow (pretty ambitious on a summers day here in Sydney Australia).



My idea for our family photo was based on me wanting to do a story of us as a family out in a snow storm 'Looking for Santa'. I had purchased a bag of artificial snow and a Christmas cape a few months back and we had some lanterns downstairs so I pretty much had all the components in place for the shoot.

I knew I had to do it as a composite with the boys as there was no way that I would be able to get the photo with all four of us at once. We did the photo over a couple of days, on the first evening (after the kids had gone to bed) I took the one of Kim and myself holding the lantern. Once I had this photo I could show it to Aiden and Lucas so that they knew what we needed them to do (Lucas just had to copy Aiden).



I had Gaffa taped markers on the floor so everyone would know where they were supposed to stand. Inside the lantern I had hidden a speedlight gelled with CTO to make it look light the lantern was lit. We are actually lit by a large Einstein strobe also with CTO, grid and barn doors to control the spill of the light.
At the back left and right were another two speedlights providing a bit of rim light to emulate moon light.

Because of the first 'failed' attempt of the crystal ball I got the idea to extend my 'Looking for Santa' photo into Santa's shed where he would have a crystal ball where he could look at us looking for him.
This would require three components - The crystal ball, the lights from the Christmas tree to create atmosphere and then Santa himself. I created Santa by hanging a hat on a chair which was easy to light and then I had another light which I used to balance the ambient with the lights from the tree.

The final photo all combined looks like the following, but in the end we decided to just use the tighter crop in the first and final photo.

It was time again for the annual Christmas concert with Aiden and Lucas' daycare.

Aiden is starting 'big' school after Christmas, so this was also his graduation.



Kim and Aiden had both practiced some dancing and songs for the concert and were both dressed up, Aiden as a doctor and Lucas as a pumpkin.





Although Aiden was very excited leading up to the concert and was telling everyone how he was going to sing and dance, he absolutely broke down once we got there overwhelmed by all the people and the noise.

It was heartbreaking to see him like that on an evening where he should be enjoying himself. He was crying and didn't want to get on the stage. Eventually we managed to get him up and he did try and participate.





Lucas on the other hand had a great time, unfortunately I didn't get a lot of photos of that because I had to try and comfort Aiden.





After the show Santa turned up wit presents for the kids and he was a lot happier again.







After that the graduates had their photos taken and had cake.

This month Kim and I had our anniversary.

I cant believe we have been married for 7 years...still love her to bits.

Saturday Kim and I went to the Sydney Opera house to watch the Sleeping Beauty performed by the Australian Ballet.



It was one of the better ballets we have seen. The story was great and the dancing (lots of it) was of a really high quality.

The even managed to weave in some of the Red riding hood story, Puss in boots, Cinderella and other stories.

It was beautiful to watch.

Last night Kim and I went to the show Velvet at the Sydney Opera House.

It was a combination of circus, burlesque and boogie nights (70's music) in one show.




The show had great music with Marcia Hines and Brendan Maclean and the performers were great. I think everyones favourite was the guy with the hula hoops.

I don't know for sure which ones are Claus and which ones are Rene.

This post is mostly about Claus when he was at his top as one of Denmarks top tennis players.

I have kept scans of all the newspaper clippings from when he was winning a lot of tournaments.





























































In the mid 90's he started to get pretty sick and although he still tried to play tennis it was never at the same level again. Eventually he more or less gave up. His illness took to great a hold of him. These are some of the 'darkest' photos I have of him while he was struggling with his schizophrenia and were taken shortly before I moved to Australia.





He lost contact with most of his friends and was very dependent on my mum and dad as well as other support programs in place.







I prefer to remember him as he was before he passed away.


















This poem reminds me of him.

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

—Meggie Royer