After Kruger we flew to Capetown.

The first day we went to Table Mountain. The mountain is often covered in clouds, and with a beautiful hot day we though we'd make the most of it and head up there when we had the opportunity.

The queue getting up there with the cable car was massive, several hundred metres. We quickly learned that the queue for people who had pre-purchased tickets was shorter and also moved faster than the other queue. We quickly jumped across to the other queue and using my mobile I purchased tickets while we were still waiting.



The view from up there is amazing and the top is actually a lot flatter than I though it would be.

At one of the private game reserved the owner maintains a little car museum with some very cool cars.



Especially this Ferrari 335S is interesting. If it is the real thing then it is one of only five ever made where the last one sold at an auction was sold for more that 30 million pounds.

One evening at Hazyview we went to a local cultural village of the Shangana Tribe.





First we went to the village itself and were introduced to local food and customs.





The local witch doctor showed us some of the local medicines they used for stomach pains etc.





Afterwards we were entertained by local drumming and dancing in a large hut. Beforehand they had to warm up the drum skins to make them the right tune.



But first we were greeted by the chief of the village.















One of the dances was the boot dance which they danced in the mines of South Africa during the Apartheid.



After the show we had a very traditional and yummy communal dinner as guest of the chief.

One morning when it was raining at Hazyview we went to the local Reptile Park.

They had a large display of snakes and other reptiles, and also some interesting talks such as about Poisonous snakes.

One of the snakes they showed us was the African Puff Adder, which I remember as a really vicious snake from my days in Kenya. The snake handler certainly convinced me that it is not as aggressive as I thought by walking bare feet past it when it was all curled up really to attack.

Towards the northern end of Kruger there is a wildlife rehabilitation centre where injured animals are cared for before returned to the wild.

Some are unfortunately in a condition where they can never be returned and these are used for educating visitors on wildlife issues.

The guide on our tour around the centre was truly amazing, very funny and very knowledgeable.

Angry Lioness:



Leopard:


Cheetah:


Chevel Cat:


Lion:


Lion with Snack:


Painted Dogs:


Hyena:


Southern Ground Hornbill:


Eagles:








Voltures:




Honey Badger:

In South Africa we did two days in the Kruger National Park.

The first day we hired a private guide to take us around in a 4WD and the second day we did a self drive.

With the guide we were lucky enough to spot all the Big 5 (Elephants, Lion, Leopard, Buffalo and Rhino). The advantage of a guide is that they are in constant radio communications with all the other cars and therefore can track the animals. On this day it was very hot and a lot of the animals were hiding in the bush and it seemed that we spotted all the animals and called it in to the other cars.



Having the private guide was a massive advantage as we could spend the time as we wanted, so we didn't spend much time on say elephants, but we did spend 45 minutes stalking a lion hoping it would get too hot under a bush and get out into the clear.

The second day we went it was raining and a lot more challenging, but we still spotted some that we didn't see the first day.

Camera wise I knew it would be a challenge to get good photos with a normal lens and didn't have the budget or justification to spend on a fast long lens. Instead all the photos in this post were taken with my 80-200 f2.8 with a 2x teleconverter. I used my tripod as a monopod and the guide was great at moving the car into spots where I had a clear line of sight (another advantage of not having to consider other passengers).

Here are the Big 5 we spotted.

Leopard:



Lion:



Rhinos:





Elephants:













African Buffalos:





And here are some of the others such as Zebras:







Hyenas:





Giraffes:





Impalas:





Kudu:





Waterbucks:



Wothhogs:





Baboons:





Monkeys:



Guinea Fowl:



African Fishing Eagles:



Storks:



Marabous:



Turtles (These ones are predators):



Weaver birds:



Chameleons:

On the first day in northern South Africa we drove the Panorama route. This is a beautiful drive up through the mountains and is full of scenic views of the Blyde River Canyon and waterfalls.

The most famous place is Bourkes Potholes.







And the Pinacle







But everywhere is full of beautiful scenery

Leaving Zimbabwe we had the experience of the aircraft (an old B737) breaking down with engine problems prior to our departure. Although this is not uncommon, most international airports would have a team of aircraft mechanics along with spare parts to fix problems.



Victoria Falls do not have all the same facilities due to the low volume of aircraft, so in our case the pilot and co-pilot stepped up and went out to fix the problem themselves. With just a two hour delay we were back underway.



I doubt a pilot from a big international airline would step up and get his hands dirty or even have the skills to fix basic and common problems....credit go to bush pilots!

The main reason why we made the trip up to Zimbabwe was that our trip to South Africa would be our best opportunity to see and experience the Victoria Falls (and also give Kim and the boys to opportunity to visit another African country).





It is an amazing sight as the entire area around the falls is completely flat. The Zambezi river is at the point of the fall over a kilometer wide and the entire river suddenly drops into this narrow gorge.







The falls themselves are on the Zambian side of the border, and most of the lookouts are on the Zimbabwe side.

The effect is that the water spray gets pushed several hundred meters into the air above the gorge and creates a perpetual plume of rain clouds and spray making it impossible to stay dry.

This also meant that it was a challenge to keep my camera gear dry. I did bring a waterproof case for my camera, but after a few minutes a stopped using it because I couldn't mount the camera on a tripod at the same time. Instead I opted for covering the camera with a microfibre towel that somewhat helped, but otherwise I had to rely on the weather sealing on the Nikon camera and lenses.

To make it easier to dry we had dressed the boys ourselves in rash and sports shirts. This dried very quickly after getting wet unlike cotton clothing. We did bring some disposable ponchos but only Kim used hers a little.

Just outside Victoria Falls there is this Baobab tree that they keep showing to tourists (behind fencing so tourists don't vandalise it). We were brought there on the way to the Boma restaurant because the other people in the bus wanted to see it.

They all went Ooooh and Ahhh by seeing it, but I must say that it is neither big or beautiful as far as Baobab trees go...even the fig trees here in Australia are bigger (and better looking).

When I setup for my photos I normally have to take a range of setup shots to check if the light is the way that I want it. Sometime I managed to volunteer Kim to help me set up and on the rate occasion she pulls a funny face.

This is a series of photos I've taken of Lucas being 1 month old.





It is a lot harder taking baby photos this time around for a number of reasons such as it being harder to find the time with both Lucas and the newborn around as well as Lucas not being a very good sleeper. This means that whenever he does sleep it is time for especially mummy to have a rest rather than run around taking photos.

Aiden is extremely fond of his little baby brother and every morning he wants to see the baby and give him a little kiss.



Whenever Lucas cries, Aiden will say 'Dont cry Lucas'.


I am sure that as he grows older they will be best mates.



Hopefully as he grows older Lucas will be a bit easier we will be able to take more photos than we have been.

Lucas is now one month old and we had a little celebration for family and friends with bbq, food and cake.

It was a fine day with lots of kids around (so AIden was busy playing all day).

Some weeks ago there was a work photo competition where the theme was 'World Connected'. I didn't have much time due to the kids, but I did manage to put together this photo below for the competition with the title 'bringing closer those who matter!'.




It wasn't picked as a finalist, but still fun nevertheless.

Ok, Kim has finally decided on a name for the newborn out of the 2-3 names left on the shortlist.

It is:

'Lucas Lee Pallesen'

This weekend it was Samantha's (Sacha and Mavis' daughter) birthday and to celebrate we did another day with the Thomas Trains.





The kids love the trains and it is really good value for an afternoon out.



Even Kim had a few rides on the trains as she wasn't able to ride last time because she was pregnant.





It was a cool and drizly day...hence the warm clothes.

On one of the last rides Thomas de-railed so it took the staff a fair while to get him back on the track (the engines are pretty heavy).

The other night I took this photo of the baby's hand grabbing my finger.

We are now approaching week 3...still no closer to having a name for him.

After our escursion to the park last week the family decided to go there for a picnic on this Labour Day (public holiday).

I was soooo tired after having food poisoning the night before...and wasn't able to eat anything...but the others were having fun.




Here is Kims dad with the four daughters.



What I didn't realise was that this was the park that KC and Chong got married in. The ceremony was in this spot where I took this photo of Kims dad with most of his grand children (the two youngest missing).





I also did some more peacock photos while we were there.



Afterwards there was cake and KC and Chongs place (it was his b'day a couple of days earlier)...but we were too tired to join them.

For the last couple of years work has has an annual photo competition. This year the theme was 'connected world' and I decided to participate.

Not an easy task coming up with an idea and doing a project like this with a new kid. With bit of brainstorming I came up with a couple of ideas and with Kims permission to doing a night shoot in the city I decided to put one of the ideas to life.



I am not sure if it is a strong enough photo to be a real contender, but it was fun trying to put it together. The photo was taking at the Domain in Sydney with the highrises in the background.

Yesterday we made the trip to Auburn Botanical gardens which is located about 25km from where we live.


I am paternity leave at the moment at this was a nice opportunity to get out of the house with Aiden and the newborn and also take some photos.



The garden contains a Japanese section full of Cherry blossoms in spring...unfortunately it is no longer cherry blossom season, but I did find some apple trees with flowers on them as well as other flowers.





There was also a bunch of peacocks around the place...one of them kind enough to show us its pride.

Last weekend we went to Cabramatta to have my car services and also make a bit of a day trip out of it.

Kim had a haircut while the boys has ice cream.



She also went past the show shop where they sell boots in her size.




Aiden got a new Lightning Mcqueen pyjamas that he was very excited about.




Lots of street food about to make you hungry.










So Lunch we had...





All very tiring.

One of the last days when the kids were still a bit sick we though we'd get them out of the house and go to Darling Harbour.

Aiden wanted to go on the tea-cups even though he was still suffering a bit.

A few weeks ago I was in Melbourne for work.

On the way back Kim called and said that Aiden had a really high fever (41+ degrees) and that she was going to get him to the hospital because she was afraid that he'd collapse like he did last time.

I jumped on an earlier flight and went straight to the hospital and spent the night with him. He was really miserable and it took 5 days (fortunately not in the hospital) before we got the fever under control.



After that Lucas got sick and then Kim as well....what a week!!

Here is some photos that I have taken from various places including work.

They don't really belong anywhere but it is a pity to not share them.

One day walking from the train station I walked past this pair of sandals under a tree. I don't know the story behind them or the reason why one was taped up.

Did the owner climb the tree and then vanish? Did he (I assume it was a male) walk away bare feet? Where did he come from (Bata is a big brand in Africa and India)?



This next one was taken on the train. I was bored and notices this girl with a small swallow tattoo.




One day I was at Warriewood for a work meeting a dropped past Narrabeen beach (where I used to live). It was a beautiful day to have a play with the panorama function on the iphone.



Here is another panorama. This time from Town hall in Sydney.

We had our annual conference there and couldn't resist getting some photos of the beautiful architecture with my phone.





A couple of weeks ago I went to Melbourne for work. On the way we flew over the Snowy Mountains and I could see the snow there.




Here is another one from work that I took ages ago. When we all moved to the Campus from the city we were invited to hand our own avatar on this wall (mine is hanging somewhere in the top left hand corner).




Here is a photo from the campus itself. It is a cool place to work. Just a pity it is so far from the city.

It is not often that I see Aiden engaged in painting at daycare (he used to be reluctant to get dirty, but now he loves it).

Here he is working on one of his masterpieces.

Lucas loves reading books...he can sit and look at books for hours if he is allowed.

One day at daycare all the other kids were playing loudly in another room and I found him in a separate room sitting quietly sitting in a small cardboard box reading by himself.

The kids are really excited whenever they get something with Thomas (the tank engine) on it.

Latest is Aiden's new Bath rope. He was so excited that he asked me to take a photo.

It was Kim's birthday on the weekend.

In the morning the boys and I woke her up with singing Happy Birthday to her.

In the evening we had a babysitter so that we could have an evening just the two of us. We went to the Bridge Room restaurant in the city, food was nice!

Yesterday we decided to do a little excursion to Circular Quay and the Opera house with the boys.

The both love trains, so we took the train into the city so that they could have the experience.



It was a cold and windy winters day here in Sydney so standing still for too long was freezing.



But it was great getting out and also get another family photo.

Recently Kim bought Aiden a yellow bumble bee umbrella and gumboots.



They will come in handy now that winter is here.

New years eve we celebrated first with Kims family in Coogee. Here they had a firework at 9.30pm which was rather small.

Since my dad is in Sydney we though that he should have a look at the proper midnight firework, so after Coogee my dad and I drove into the city to watch the firework at Sydney Harbour.

Kim stayed back with her family because we expected to walk a fair bit to get into the city and especially to get back afterwards (and it would be hard to walk with her being pregnant).

I brought my camera gear and this is some of the shots I took (I haven't had time to photoshop anything).

Every year the local area puts on some amazing christmas decoration lightshows outside their houses.

One evening we went for a drive to take some photos...and here they are:

One day when it was raining and we were unable to do any work outside, we took my dad to the Blue Mountains.

It was nice and warm up there considering that the weather was sort of drizzling. My dad wanted to go and have another look at the Three Sisters, but they were covered in clouds, so instead we came up with taking the scenic railway as an alternative into the Jamison Valley.

As soon as Kim saw the drop into the valley she immediately bailed out and said that she didn't want to go....too steep.

My dad and I continued into the valley and went for a walk along one of the tracks there. While there I did some close-up photos of some of the local fauna.




After the walk we headed back up to the top with the cable car and then to Katooma for some lunch.



After lunch it was clearing up a bit, but the sisters were still covered. Instead we went for a walk at Wentworth Falls. My dad had never been there so that was something new for him.





After the walk it was getting late and we headed back to Sydney.

Every year on Boxing day (26th December) the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race kicks off.

It is a great event for anyone interested in sailing to see the large boats exit out through the heads of Sydney Harbour.




My dad was interested in seeing the race start and I wanted to get some great photos with the ships and the north head in the background.

We arrived at Watsons bay about 30 minutes before the race start and only just made it up to the viewpoint as the boats went through the heads. We were running the last 500 meters so as not to miss it (it has been a while since I've seen my dad run that sort of distance).



It was spectacular to watch all the ships and the follow boats head out through the harbour and head south towards the Tasman sea.



On the way back to the car we walked past the nude beach full of perverts (I don't mind nudists...but when it is old men with hard-on's standing facing the public swinging their willy's back and forth or pouring beer on it then they are exhibitionist perverts....click here...and....here...so see what I mean).

The winner of the race this year finished after 2 days and 9 hours.

In the morning of Christmas Day we were so stuffed that we weren’t ready to start eating again already.



Kim’s family always puts on a big feats on Christmas Day with turkey, ham, seafood and a lot of other Asian and non Asian dishes.



The food was great and amazingly Santa Claus appeared again (He must have been hovering around in the area).

This may also come as a surprise to you....but Santa Clause does exist and he visited our house on Christmas Eve.



We did the traditional Christmas dinner with friends coming over along with some of our nieces and nephews. Soeren and Nui joined us with their daughter and Andy joined us with his daughter so it was an almost equal representation of adults and kids (if you count me as a kid).



Later on in the evening Santa Clause appeared (Ethan asked where the reindeer were and apparently they were parked on the roof).

Ethan had been asking all evening whether Santa would be coming. Eventually we told him that Santa is a very busy man and that he visits all the good kids first and leaves all the naughty ones until later...that kept him quiet for a while.



He gave the children lots of presents and soon afterwards he headed off again...he is a very busy person this time of the year (I think he borrowed a couple of beer from the fridge).



By the end of the evening we were so stuffed with food that we had to be rolled into bed.

My dad arrived early January to spend Christmas and New Years Eve here with us.

Before he arrived i asked him if he'd mind helping with a couple of jobs arround the house. I told him that the biggest job was the tiles in the outdoor area in the back yard.

When they built the house they only tiled a part of the area. Later they extended the area but didn't level the area properly so where the joint between the old and the new area was the tiles weren't the same level and were either loose or broken. My dad thought it was best if we removed all the tiles on the upper deck and then poured a new concrete slab on top of the old one. He said that this would guarantee that the area would have the correct run-off from the house and at the same time avoid any spots where water would collect (There is two small areas where the water collects with the result that dirt and leaves collect and makes a mess).



So far we have removed all the old tiles (360 tiles in total equalling more than 1 ton worth) and carried these to the front of the house. We also carried 1.3 ton of cement to the back to pour the slab (65 bags of cement). My dad was poiring most of this and leveling it while I was at work before Christmas. On top of this is all the new tiles, adhesive and grout (all heavy lifting).


I notices after a days rain that water was collecting in a couple of areas and my dad told me that I shouldn't worry about it as he would be able to compensate for this when laying the tiles to ensure that the water would run off.


The slab is now complete and we are ready to start laying new tiles. We bought a jackhammer which has been a life saver in terms of removing the old tiles and mixing the new cement and adhesive.

The area won't look too much different from before though. We are laying the exact same type of tiles (otherwise it wouldn't match the rest of the area at the back of the house and at the front).

I just really hope my dad does a good job making sure everything is level, because otherwise this would be a waste of the $3000 it is costing in materials and tools (I can also see that I will have a cleanup job to do afterwards...there is cement on the walls and the fence of the house how...my dads comment was that he couldn't take that much care and that I'd just have to re-paint the house). If water is still collecting then we could have accomplished the same for a fraction of the price (and work) by just replacing and leveling a couple of rows of tiles at the area where they were broken (admittedly this would have been uneven, but the savings would probably have justified it).


Problem is that I won't know how dodgy the job is until after we've finished the grouting which wouldn't happen until end of this week (with a lot of effort).

Anyway...will provide an update when we finish.

Good news everyone...we are expecting a baby and the stork should be delivering around mid June next year.

I guess most of you guys already know by now....for the rest of you...Surprise!!

It is not unexpected as we were trying.




Now there is a busy time ahead preparing for the baby. Kims wants the baby room painted (Even though in my opinion the baby doesn't care what colour it is).

We will also need to get hold of stuff like prams etc. If there are any baby items that you can spare (especielly items such as car baby seats, pram and changing table) then we would be very grateful.

We don't know if it is a boy or a girl yet (We should know by the end of January).

yesterday it was Kim and I's one year anniversary.

We actually celebrated it on Saturday with a visit to one of Sydney top restaurants called Bilson's.

Yesterday we instead planned to have a nice evening out watching a movie in the evening. Kim was apparently waiting for me to deliver something to her office (or so her colleague said) but after work I was waiting at the car with a bunch of flowers. Kim was so excited to go out in the evening that she forgot to get off the train at our station with the result that she by accident ended up in Parramatta (western Sydney)...it took her one and a half hours to make it to the car...but fortunately the flower still looked fresh.

When we got home I spend some time experimenting with some photos and some lighting of the flowers before we went out, and here are the results. The Macro photos are taking using a 35/50mm lens reversed. The light comes from a single strobe reflected of a mirror.














The movie was really good and entertaining. We saw 2012...and it doesn't pretend to be anything other than what it is.

Every year in October & November there is an exhibition called Sculptures by the Sea. The city exhibits close to 200 sculptures on the stretch of coastline between Bondi and Tamarama. The public can go for a walk and have a look at the sculptures and vote for their favourits...if they are able to find parking that is.

Some of them are really good and some of them at just plain weird.

Here's some photos I took of my favourites.

Between Christmas and New year we went to the Hunter Valley with Sasha and his family.

We stayed overnight in a cabin in Lovedale.




During the day we tasted wines at the various wineries (found some good ones).






















The kids also loved playing at the cabin in the evenings.

This year we decided not to celebrate on the eve of the 24 and just stick with the 25th at KC's place (too much cooking otherwise). I was responsible for the Christmas ham (with limited success).

It was a relaxing day and the kids were very exited about their presents.

Sometimes when I am setting up for a photo especially Aiden likes to jump in a get silly.

It is a good way to test the lighting and sometimes I managed to get a 'keeper' such as this one from a few weeks back.

It is almost Christmas and I've just completed our annual family Christmas photo and this is the final version.



It was an interesting process getting to this photo this year. Last year we did a photo in the kitchen of us baking a cake, but this years photo has so many more elements to it.

The idea came from a combination of Kim and my ideas. Kim wanted to do a photo of the boys through a crystal ball. I actually bought the crystal ball right after Christmas last year with this year in mind.

We did a test in front of the tree in early December which was reasonably okay, but Kim didn't like the feel to it. She wanted more snow (pretty ambitious on a summers day here in Sydney Australia).



My idea for our family photo was based on me wanting to do a story of us as a family out in a snow storm 'Looking for Santa'. I had purchased a bag of artificial snow and a Christmas cape a few months back and we had some lanterns downstairs so I pretty much had all the components in place for the shoot.

I knew I had to do it as a composite with the boys as there was no way that I would be able to get the photo with all four of us at once. We did the photo over a couple of days, on the first evening (after the kids had gone to bed) I took the one of Kim and myself holding the lantern. Once I had this photo I could show it to Aiden and Lucas so that they knew what we needed them to do (Lucas just had to copy Aiden).



I had Gaffa taped markers on the floor so everyone would know where they were supposed to stand. Inside the lantern I had hidden a speedlight gelled with CTO to make it look light the lantern was lit. We are actually lit by a large Einstein strobe also with CTO, grid and barn doors to control the spill of the light.
At the back left and right were another two speedlights providing a bit of rim light to emulate moon light.

Because of the first 'failed' attempt of the crystal ball I got the idea to extend my 'Looking for Santa' photo into Santa's shed where he would have a crystal ball where he could look at us looking for him.
This would require three components - The crystal ball, the lights from the Christmas tree to create atmosphere and then Santa himself. I created Santa by hanging a hat on a chair which was easy to light and then I had another light which I used to balance the ambient with the lights from the tree.

The final photo all combined looks like the following, but in the end we decided to just use the tighter crop in the first and final photo.

It was time again for the annual Christmas concert with Aiden and Lucas' daycare.

Aiden is starting 'big' school after Christmas, so this was also his graduation.



Kim and Aiden had both practiced some dancing and songs for the concert and were both dressed up, Aiden as a doctor and Lucas as a pumpkin.





Although Aiden was very excited leading up to the concert and was telling everyone how he was going to sing and dance, he absolutely broke down once we got there overwhelmed by all the people and the noise.

It was heartbreaking to see him like that on an evening where he should be enjoying himself. He was crying and didn't want to get on the stage. Eventually we managed to get him up and he did try and participate.





Lucas on the other hand had a great time, unfortunately I didn't get a lot of photos of that because I had to try and comfort Aiden.





After the show Santa turned up wit presents for the kids and he was a lot happier again.







After that the graduates had their photos taken and had cake.

This month Kim and I had our anniversary.

I cant believe we have been married for 7 years...still love her to bits.

Saturday Kim and I went to the Sydney Opera house to watch the Sleeping Beauty performed by the Australian Ballet.



It was one of the better ballets we have seen. The story was great and the dancing (lots of it) was of a really high quality.

The even managed to weave in some of the Red riding hood story, Puss in boots, Cinderella and other stories.

It was beautiful to watch.

Last night Kim and I went to the show Velvet at the Sydney Opera House.

It was a combination of circus, burlesque and boogie nights (70's music) in one show.




The show had great music with Marcia Hines and Brendan Maclean and the performers were great. I think everyones favourite was the guy with the hula hoops.

I don't know for sure which ones are Claus and which ones are Rene.

This post is mostly about Claus when he was at his top as one of Denmarks top tennis players.

I have kept scans of all the newspaper clippings from when he was winning a lot of tournaments.





























































In the mid 90's he started to get pretty sick and although he still tried to play tennis it was never at the same level again. Eventually he more or less gave up. His illness took to great a hold of him. These are some of the 'darkest' photos I have of him while he was struggling with his schizophrenia and were taken shortly before I moved to Australia.





He lost contact with most of his friends and was very dependent on my mum and dad as well as other support programs in place.







I prefer to remember him as he was before he passed away.


















This poem reminds me of him.

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

—Meggie Royer