Last night Kim and I went to the show Velvet at the Sydney Opera House.

It was a combination of circus, burlesque and boogie nights (70's music) in one show.




The show had great music with Marcia Hines and Brendan Maclean and the performers were great. I think everyones favourite was the guy with the hula hoops.

I don't know for sure which ones are Claus and which ones are Rene.

This post is mostly about Claus when he was at his top as one of Denmarks top tennis players.

I have kept scans of all the newspaper clippings from when he was winning a lot of tournaments.





























































In the mid 90's he started to get pretty sick and although he still tried to play tennis it was never at the same level again. Eventually he more or less gave up. His illness took to great a hold of him. These are some of the 'darkest' photos I have of him while he was struggling with his schizophrenia and were taken shortly before I moved to Australia.





He lost contact with most of his friends and was very dependent on my mum and dad as well as other support programs in place.







I prefer to remember him as he was before he passed away.


















This poem reminds me of him.

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.
The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

—Meggie Royer

Here are some more photos from my childhood in no particular order.

The first ones from a New Years eve where we got a bit silly with the hats. These were taken at a New Years even in Kenya and before my brother got really sick, so probably around 1989/90.



And here is Claus.



And my mum.




I was really good at shooting when I was a kid and won lots of championships. This photo is one of the few things I have from that time.


This is Claus and I with our dog.



Not sure which ones of these is Claus and which is me.




















This was taken just christmas day in the back yard of my grandma's (Mormor) house. We got the skis as a christmas present. All the fields behind her house belonged to my mothers brother Flemming.



I think this may be my brother. For the first time I've noticed the photo in the background. It looks like this may be a photo of my mum with her two sisters and brother and what could be her dad Raimer in the middle.















This would most likely be the new years eve where we were trapped by the snow 1978/79. We were supposed to have celebrated with the family but couldn't even get out of the house. Delicious with a glass of milk and a pie.






We didn't have a lawn in the back yard. Instead we had pebbles...lots of fun shoveling them.







This I think is a christmas eve dinner at my grandmas (mormor) place. My mum on the left and my uncle Flemming in the middle. Not sure who the person standing up in. It could be my grandmas brother. Possibly from around 1976/77


I think it is my great grandpa (Raimer) in the middle row number two from the left. The title of the photo says that it is Christoffer (??) in the top left corner. Looking at the age of the boys this would have been taken in the 1920's.


Claus dancing aeound the christmas tree and my mum and grandma (Bedstemor/Farmor).


From left to Right. My grandma (On my dads side/Bedstemor/farmor), Knud Aage (My uncle/dads brother), My mum (in the foreground), My grandad (in the background), Irene (my auntie/dads sister), Grete and I assume the baby is Vinnie which means that it is likely that my mum was pregnant with Claus (born in July).






















This was taken at my grandparents place and after my brother got sick. He was really suffering at this point.






This is one of the happiest family photos I have and the only one I have a print of.



Going for a walk at Marielyst with Lott and Willy some of our german friends. Claus in the foreground and my dad on the right. I think you can just spot me in yellow pants in the background.



I think this is at Lotte and Willy's summer house.






Not sure if this is Claus or myself being babtised. It is my grand mother being god mother.











This was taken outside our summer house in Marielyst.



My brother number 2 from the top right on his school photo.



Claus at daycare number 4 from the top left.



Me at day care top left.

Here is some more old photos of my mum. This time with here brother and sisters.

This first one if probably one of the oldest. You can tell that the photo was shot in black and white and that the negative was later coloured (badly). It would be my mum in the middle with her two sisters Eli (the oldest on the right) and Yrsa.




This is my mum in the middle with what I assume is cousins.





I think it is my grandmother (Karen) holding my mum.


Here is the same as the first photo, but this time without the colour.



My mum and her sisters playing in the courtyard of their farm


My mum with her older sisters.


Eli, Yrsa, Sonja and Flemming Kragh.


Having her photo taken as a little girl.


Upset about having her photo taken?
























My mum with her younger brother Flemming.


As a liitle girl


My mum in school.





From left to right...Eli, Yrsa my mum (Sonja) and Flemming.


As a young girls/woman...possibly from her Konfirmation.



My mum as a girl scout (no 4 from the left).


It is Flemming in the middle and my mum on the right.

When I was a kid we would every summer travel to Southern Europe with our caravan.

Usually travelling through Swizerland or Austria ending up in Italy (Either Lido di Jesolo or the Italian Riviera). Underway we would visit old friends of my mum and dad from the time they were working in Italy.

Here are some photos from that time.









I just noticed the burn scar on my arm on the above photo. I think this is one of the few childhood photos where you can really see it.




















This was out caravan while travelling.








This is our caravan with the tent up in the middle.

This weekend we took the kids for a walk with some friends from Maroubra to Lurline Bay.

It is a nice little pleasant walk that is easy for the kids.




They loved jumping between the boulders.




...and exploring the small rock pools.







Because of the recent storms the beach was full of Blue bottles, so no playing in the sand this time around.





They are nasty little creatures that will sting you badly if you touch them.




This surfer was being very careful in his bare feet.

Earlier this month it was Lucas birthday.

We didn't have a kids party for him, but we did celebrate with the family.







We gave him a new bike for his birthday...he was stunned and didn't know what to think of it, but he loves riding it now.

Last weekend there was a Lego exhibition in the city.

We caught the train in to St James station and walked from there.





It was a fairly small exhibition with my favourite being the pirate ship with all the details of the lower decks.












There was also some Ninjago and Star wars.










And a lot of other pieces.

Rather than keeping all the kids artwork I instead take photos of it.

Here is some of the latest additions.

Today we celebrated Aidens birthday with the family.

In the morning we all had Yum Cha and afterwards we took all the kids to Little Dynamos to play.



In the evening we had the family over for steamboat and cake. Great opportunity to take a new family photo with the latest member of the family...Emma.

Today it was one year ago that my my Mum and Aidens Grandma passed away.

I am still sad that Aiden never met her but I am hoping that he will get to know Bedstefar better as he is growing up.




I am also glad that Aiden will have a brother to keep each other company and I hope the two of them will be close and grow old together.

I still have a suitcase sitting here full of photos that I one day will get the courage tp go through...but not anytime soon.

Today was Aidens second birthday...time flies!



We had a Birthday cake for him with the family and sang Happy Birthday and let him blow out the candle.

Today is a very unique day in that the planet Venus passed over the disc of the Sun. The next such passing wont happen for another 105 years.

And it is even more interesting since we recently returned from Tahiti where Captain Cook observed the last passing several hundred years ago.



Here in sydney it was a very cloudy day, but I did manage to snap a couple of photos using a very powerful lens covered with dark filters. It is a planet Venus at the 7 o'clock on the sun in the photo.

Bummer...I had to return the camera yesterday. It was driving me mad with back focusing...not what you would expect from a $3000 camera. Hopefully they will be able to fix the issue, but unfortunately they are saying that there is a 21 day turnaround. The focus was 5cm off which is critical especially then taking portraits.


I did however manage to take a couple of photos that were ok and a bit of video with it on Sunday inside a very dark ten-pin bowling place (it was Kayla's birthday party) with all kinds of weird lighting. I was shooting at insanely high iso (12800) and I must say that I general I was pretty impressed.



Especially impressed with how fast I could shoot with lots of kids running around. They are totally usable for my blog and online posting although I wouldn't enlarge them. There was a lot of noise at these high ISO's, but most of it could be managed to a certain degree in Lightroom.






Later I was shooting with KC's camera at the lunch table...there was more light and I was strugling with taking photos using natural light.

Today I picked up my new camera. It is the new Nikon D800 and is currently one of the most sought after cameras on the market.

I have been wanting to get a full frame camera for some time now and this was the one for me to get...the reviews are excellent.


I pre-ordered it shortly after is was announced and has been waiting for over three months for it to arrive...but it is finally here.




It will be a steep learning curve to get used to all the new features of the camera and it will be a sad goodbye to my almost 10 year old D50 entry level camera.

I am now moving from 5 auto focus points to 51...from 6 Megapixels to 36 megapixels...max 1600 ISO to 25600 ISO...no bells and whistles to having features such as Video, Timelapse, HDR, face detection, live view, aparture preview...and the list goes on...



The D50 has served me well, but it is definitely time to move on as the technology has advanced so much. Not sure what I do with the old camera...but I will most likely end up selling it.

It is Autumn here in Sydney and today the forecast was for 19 degrees and sunny...the first cool'ish day here. In the morning we went with Kims family to the cemetry to visit Kims mum. After this we were planning to head up to the Blue Mountains to Mt Wilson to visit some of the private gardens to take photos of the Autumn colours and get some new family photos of Kim, Aiden and I.


When we arrived it was really windy and only 7 degrees (later it dropped to 5 degrees). We had dressed for the cold, but Dylan who had joined us on the spur of the moment was a bit underdressed and cold so he borrowed a spare jumper I had with me. We immediately found a pile of leaves and they started having fun throwing them up in the air.








We decided to visit the Yengo Sculpture garden and the owner came to greet us, tell us about the garden and charge for the entry.











The garden was very nice and the colours were awesome.















There were lots of sculptures hidden around the garden.



Dylan got a bit upset because we had to scold him for running around (this was a private garden so deserved a bit of respect), throwing pebbles, thrashing my camera gear and keeping to run into the frame of the photo I was trying to take. I had also been trying to get a bit interested in what he is seeing around him to learn more things and asking him if he was interested in some of the lookouts to experience one of the most beautiful places in Australia, as well as look at the things in antique shops etc., but he was totally dis-interested..."you can drag the horse to the water, but you can force it to drink".



After the garden Aiden was really tired and cold and we were getting hungry, so we decided to head back and stop along the way for lunch. It was good timing as it started to rain a little. I decided to drive on the great western highway as there were more options for food and I though it would be quicker getting back...turned out everyone else had the same idea so it was at a crawl.

Today Kim and I went to the Lyrics Theatre to see the 'An Officer and Gentleman' musical.

It was a remake of the 1982 movie, but on the stage.



It was ok but nothing special. The acting and singing was great, but the screenplay itself as well as the music/lyrics could have been more original and the stage setup was pretty basic.

Kim is pregnant again and we are now halfway there and on Monday we went for the halfway scans (due late September).



Everything is on track and looking good so far (5 fingers and toes etc.). For the first time we were able to tell the gender of the baby and it turns out that we are expecting a little brother to Aiden.

This means that Aiden very soon will have someone to play with here at home.

Today was Anzac day. We decided to use the day to explore some of the local area in the National Park on the other side of Botany bay near Kurnell.



It was very windy (Aiden wasn't happy with the wind). The walk along the coast is easy an quite scenic. There is even a small lighthouse about a kilometer down the track and the rocks have cook textures.

During the winter we went for a walk across the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Here are some of the photos from the walk.

On fathers day we used the opportunity to do some family photos with the boys as well as Kims dad.

Aiden and Lucas sometimes loves to play with boxes and other items that are in the recycle bin inside.

One morning they had used the boxes to create a farm...not bad!






...and then there is the silliness...

Years ago Aiden got a little fluffy toy tiger as a gift.



Over the last couple of years this has been the most treasured toy to the degree where him and Lucas is sometime fighting over it. They sleep with it and they bring it to school to do show and tell.



It reminds me of the comic called Calvin and Hobbs - with a little boy and his toy tiger often getting up to mischief.

Now that Aiden is a school and Lucas at daycare they are invited to heaps of birthdays.

One evening Kim took Aiden to a birthday and in the meantime I took Lucas for a little desert treat at Choc Top in Rosebery.

The menu looked delicious and not know that they were so big I ordered one for each of us. They also gave us a free ice cream because they were slow.



I felt so sick afterwards and we didn't even finish it.

It has been a while since we did a family trip with the family. Kim's dad is getting older and it is getting harder for him to do longer extended trips.

The family found a nice house at Scarborough just an hours drive from Sydney. It was a beautiful coastal home with room enough for the whole family and with the conveniences of a large kitchen, a fireplace and TV for the kids.





The inlaws recently got a dog and she made it on the trip as well.



More importantly, it was just a short walk to the Scarborough hotel for coffee in the morning.





And also plenty of beaches nearby.

We are trying to keep the boys (and ourselves) more active on the weekends. This weekend Audrey asked if we wanted to join them for an easy walk at the Royal National Park (about 30 minutes drive from home).



The walk was along an old horse carriage trail (Lady Game Trail) and was fairly level and easy walking the whole way. We made it well past the half way mark where there is an old watering station for the horses before turning around.



I think the kids eventually managed to walk almost 7 kilometers without too much complaining which is pretty far for their little feet.

For a long time I had wanted to introduce the boys to Camping. Since Kim had never been camping either and wanted a certain level of comfort we looked around for suitable location within easy reach from Sydney.

We eventually settled on Cattai National Park as it has a lot of amenities such as flushing toilets, hot showers and allows camp fires.

Kim also asked some of our friends if they'd like to join, so we ended up going three families together.





We bought a new tent which by most standards is huge, but has plenty of space on rainy days (which we didn't have) for cooking and eating inside the tent as well as air mattresses for sleeping on.
We also had a camping table and chair and amazingly we were able to fit it all into the booth of my car.










Apart from Lucas getting a little cold during the night it went very well. The boys had a blast of a time making up games, eating food (constantly), fishing (no bites) and eating roasted marshmallows.













I also tried a Danish specialty, 'SnogBroed' (Twisted Bread) which consists to of a sausage and bread dough wrapped around a stick and then baked in the fire. Mavis made one that turned out perfectly - unfortunately everyone was too full from eating to really have a go at it (Maybe next time)



In the evening and morning there were lots of kangaroos in the camp ground, which the boys quickly chased away.

For Aidens 6th birthday we invited his friends to a game of bowling.

Aiden is a bit of a worry...although he is a social kid he is quite scared of a lot of things and requires a lot of help doing things.

Because he has been delayed on a lot of fronts including his comprehension he would like to play with the other kids but doesn't understand the games they are playing.

This means that he in a lot of cases finds comfort just playing by himself rather than with the other kids.





It does mean that whenever they have group games then he will require someone who can give him step by step instructions until he understands the game.



Mind you when he does find someone who is interested in playing the games he does understand then it is great to see.

Last week we made the trip to Fiji with the kids.

Kim is just about to finish her maternity leave and my work asked me to reduce my accumulated annual leave days by taking some time off so we decided to go away for a week.

We stayed at the Hilton close to Nadi (we found it too far to travel with the kids to the coral coast). This is the view from our room.




Aiden and Lucas had lots of fun playing on the balcony (Lucas enjoyed throwing toys off the balcony).



And we did spend some time in the sand as well.





And trying to teach Lucas to walk (he can almost stand by himself now).



But all the swimming was done in the swimming pool at the hotel.



We didn't venture out much, but on most of the evenings we would walk over to the local Marina to eat (the food was better and cheaper).



One day we hired a nanny to look after Lucas (with little success as they were unable to feed him and settle him, so we still had to be there).

The other day I went for a walk in Centenial Park. For the first time I ventured into the memorial (normally there are lots of dogs and poo in this area so I generally avoid it).

The ceiling of the memorial is quite pretty and I can see myself coming back to do some more photos at some stage.

Last weekend I went for a walk along the harbour with a couple of friends and Aiden (in my backpack).

It was a beautiful winters day being sunny and 25 degrees.

We started out at Waverton and walked almost across to Greenwich. It wasn't a long walk but very pleasant (especially since I also had Aiden to carry).

The other day we went to Maroubra beach to let the boys play in the sand and also to try and get some photos of them together.


It is currently winter here in Sydney which sometimes provides this beautiful cool light.





Lucas and Aiden are now really good at playing together...Lucas is doing his best to copy everything that Aiden does and at the same time tried to keep up, whic is difficult when you cant walk yet.

...And Aiden is good at sharing his toys and make sure that Lucas has something to play with.

The other day I did a couple of test portrait shots...I wanted a portrait that was a bit more moody than usual.

It is not easy getting the low key lighting right...much easier to do high key where you can pretty much blast the subject with light.

I haven't had the time to experiment further to accomplish what I wanted...but here is what I did get after 10-15 minutes experimenting.

Yesterday Kim caught Lucas grabbing her car keys and the trying to use the keys to unlock the front door...with a bit of practice and some extra height me might succeed one day.

I think he just wanted to take the big red car outside for a spin...

On the weekend we went to the beach for a little family picnic...ham and cheese sandwiches.

we also wanted to get some photos of Lucas and Aiden playing together in the sand.

We especially wanted to get one of them sitting together look at the waves. Normally Aiden is terrified of the waves, but because Lucas was there we were able to get him to sit still.

It wasn't the best light in the middle of a sunny day but I love the cool winter light this time of the year. It is hard to describe...but the light has a less warm feel the during the summertime.

Aiden and Lucas are now best of mates and having a lot of fun. Once Lucas learns to walk they will be big trouble and we will constantly have to chase after them. Aiden can sometimes get a bit rough, but Lucas is a tough little bundle of muscles and loves copying him.

On my birthday this year I went climbing at Barrenjoey with some friends. It was the first time for over a year that I have done any climbing...let alone outdoors, but fortunately it was all top ropes.

Barrenjoey is one of the most beautiful spots in Sydney.



I am totally out of shape but still managed to get through the climbs we set up.

We were supposed to have had a dinner the night before but most people were busy so we decided to cancel the dinner and the let me go climbing instead. I was supposed to have been taking Aiden with me (Barrenjoey is relatively safe for kids), but he was still a bit unwell from his hospital visit. I think I will start looking for a good climbing helmet for him so that we have it for next time.




I had a great day out with friends and it was great to get back on the rock.

Last night we had a bit of a scare when we suddenly had to rush Aiden to the hospital in an ambulance...

He was over at grandads place most of the day playing and when he came back we noticed that he had a bit of a temperature and didn't want to eat, but otherwise ok and playful. We decided to give him a quick shower before giving him some panadol and then bedtime.

In the shower he was playing as usual with water and his plastic cups when I left him to get dressed. When I came back a few minutes later to turn off the water and get him dressed I could tell that he was not his normal self and was shaking a bit. Thinking that he was cold I quickly took him out to get him dressed but could then tell that he was pretty bad...I couldn't get in contact with him and his breathing was irregular and shallow.



I quickly called Kim and had her call an ambulance. While we were waiting he started having some muscle spasms and started throwing up. Fortunately we are close to the ambulance station so they arrived pretty quickly and took myself and Aiden to the children's hospital which is also close by.

At the hospital he started responding again and the doctors there think that a spike in his fever caused it. They kept him there for most of the evening until his temperature had dropped and they were sure he was well hydrated which was around midnight.

Good that all turned out ok...Aiden has been pretty happy today even though he hasn't eaten much and slept much of the day.